sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
