I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
