It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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