My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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