Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
