He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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