dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
