I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
