Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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