I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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