Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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