hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
