Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
