I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
