the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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