Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
