Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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