you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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