just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
