She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
