i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
