I bet he comes in French.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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