im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
