It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
