Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
