Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
