Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
