you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
