Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
