I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
