Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
