so explain again why im purple
no
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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