Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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