Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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