so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
