Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
