I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
