Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize