no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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