Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
