Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
