after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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