Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
