College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He shit in the fireplace
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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