Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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