Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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