I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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