Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
