its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
