oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
