she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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