the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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