All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
