oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
