we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
