Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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