so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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