I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
