I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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