im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Drunk is not a location!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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