Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
