I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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