So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
