I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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