Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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