filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
