Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
