I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
