Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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