im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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