After last night, I could never be a politician.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
