I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
