lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
