I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
