Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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